Top 5 Movies from my least Favorite Genre: Zombies

Ok, so, I don’t dig zombie flicks. Something about the real-life possibility of the walking dead that just doesn’t appeal to me. I know I’m not the only one with a zombie action plan in case of reanimated corpses.  For starters, a la Zombieland, I believe in the “double tap” method of re-killing. And when the dead come back, I’m headed to the nearest Costco. There’s food, reinforced cinderblock walls, limited points of entry and clothes. It could work…for a while anyway. Punk infused horror free for all The Return of the Living Dead is the zombie movie that’s terrified me for a lifetime. It’s that lack of resolution. With no foreseeable end to the carnage the brain eating unkillable corpse mayhem will continue. Close curtain, hope for the best and send more cops.

With that being said, I am a horror fanatic and a few movies from this rather gruesome subgenre I’m actually pretty fond of. Yes, these are the best of what scares me most.

” You’ve got red on you.”

Edgar Wright’s undead masterpiece, Shaun of the Dead (spoiler alert) the happy ending style kind of movie I can deal with. The first entry to the famed Cornetto Trilogy, it’s the Simon Pegg/Nick Frost zombie romp with an equally killer soundtrack. This is also perhaps the most quotable on my list, from “I’m sorry, Shaun” to the oft repeated Winchester plan (grand theft auto, a mercy killing, rescues, and a pint while this all blows over), the laughs are only rivaled by the gratuitous gore set to the sounds of Grandmaster Flash.

“Yeah, but all you wanna do is burn and murder stuff, burn and murder stuff. Just burning and murdering.”

While filmed in mind-blowing stop motion and appealing to all ages, LAIKA’s ParaNorman is no “kids movie”. This part ghost story part zombie invasion talks about the real-life horrors of hysteria and mob mentality. Those horrors include the execution of a suspected witch who happens to be a child. The decidedly cool voice cast is led by goth kid Kodi Smit-McPhee (Let Me In) as Norman with Anna Kendrick as perpetually aghast older sister Courtney and scene stealer Casey Affleck as charmingly clueless jock Mitch, responsible for the accompanying quote.

“Thrill me.”

The movie that needs no introduction. Just a two-word quote from one of the genre’s most revered legends in his favorite role. Tom Atkins is zombie decimating Detective Cameron with his sidekick “Spanky” in comedy cult delight of the sci-fi horror surnames, Night of the Creeps. This is Monster Kid Fred Dekker’s tribute to B movies featuring killer slugs, walking corpses, aliens, frat guys and an urban legend. We even get a cameo from King of Character actors “That Guy Dick Miller”.

“Juan de los Muertos, matamos a sus seres queridos.” Translation: “Juan of the Dead, we kill your loved ones.”

It’s the living dead “zombie comedy” you’ve likely not seen written and directed by Alejandro Bruges, also known for Nightmare Cinema and Satanic Hispanics. This time the zombie apocalypse has invaded Cuba. Star Alexis Diaz de Villegas is Juan: a professional slacker making the most out of a catastrophic situation by going into the business of re-killing the undead. The amusing survival driven antics of our “heroes” distracts from the gory demise of civilization taking place around them. Superb in Spanish or with English subtitles, the newest addition to YOUR list of favorite zombie movies, is available for streaming and at your local DVD rental location (probably).

“I’m gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.”

Planet Terror is the Robert Rodriguez half of exploitation double feature Grindhouse. The gross mutations AKA “sickos” of the oozing boils and melting flesh face off against a band of Mexico bound survivors, a syringe slinging doctor and a go-go dancer with a minigun leg. While I prefer the theatrical release plus faux trailers (like Machete and Thanksgiving), the explosion heavy extended version is a raucous good time. Fun Fact: This is another “Mariachi-style” Rodriguez production where he served as writer, director, producer, cinematographer, editor and soundtrack. Orale.

Honorable Mention: Grant Grant and the telepathic leech driven zombies of Slither, written and directed by Troma vet James Gunn.