A Survival Guide To Summer

By Honey Morales.

The 1970s/ 1980s Campy-style horror is by far my favorite. I find it simultaneously hilarious and terrifying to imagine a group of youngsters lost in the woods with only a few stoned, horny teenagers to protect them from a silent, lumbering monster.

To mark the beginning of summer season, I thought it would be fun to provide a little rundown of some films that belong to this peculiar category- I could’ve written a hundred more but I narrowed it down to the lesser known, to kick off the new season, here is a short video watch list or revisit and rewatch list. So get your sunscreen, bug spray and s’mores, campers.

Don’t go in the woods alone (1981)

While Don’t Go In The Woods is an honest but ineffectual attempt at Friday the 13th-style mayhem, it does evoke fond memories of classic low-budget horror film tropes from the 1970s and 1980s in the minds of seasoned horror fans. The British censors made headlines across the world when they deemed many American horror movies unfit for the British VHS audience, but it’s hard to see how this film became the infamous first title in England’s “video nasties” censorship crusade.

Cannibal camp out (1988)

Tom Fisher and Jon McBride helmed, wrote, produced, and starred in this film about a group of friends who drive into the woods in a van for a weekend of camping.  What’s that you say?  You bet it does because of the ’80s.  Ray (Ray Angelic) tells a story about an abducted and killed family in the area as a red herring, but along the way, the pals encounter two backwater hillbillies who try to thwart them.  Nothing to write home about, but I’ve seen worse films with higher budgets.  If you’re just in it for the laughs, you should give it a shot.

Season of the Witch (1972)

This unconventional summer flick has one basic consistent theme…

Has she transformed into a witch in the traditional sense? This ambitious film is a sensory overload with a powerful message, showcasing Romero’s skill at its highest level. It’s not anything like his usual fare, but it’s an intriguing psychological drama nonetheless.

Twisted Nightmare (1987)

The first of the Friday the 13th rip-offs I saw, suffers from a few flaws that prevent it from being truly unforgettable. In the first place, it uses the tired old Stephen King trope that “it’s magic because of Native American burial ground/curse,” which was common in sloppy horror fiction at the time. Second, the video seems like it was shot with a camcorder that was accidentally washed. The acting is clunky and off, but the film earns bonus marks for a few unexpectedly humorous scenes, a strange near-swingers sequence, and the lead actress’s very unnerving eyes. They’re the only well-lit part in the film, no joke.

Moon Stalker (1989) 

This odd little film is a refreshing take on my favourite type of slasher flick, as it reimagines the typical summer camp story by moving it to a snowy mountain. It’s a pretty fun, silly take on the concept that surprised me with some clever kills and tricks, despite some odd character choices (like the lead counsellor, whose specific military role-playing sex scenario with his girlfriend that includes a bullet bikini, blasting Ride of the Valkyries, and a Rambo headband the film goes to lengths to establish).

Madman (1981)

Simply said, Madman, is David Lynch’s first attempt at writing Twin Peaks in response to a production company’s request for slasher screenplays. That’s not exactly glowing praise, but it helps explain why Betsy (Gaylen Ross), an early version of Laura Palmer, has such strangely long shots and such flat delivery of her lines. I felt like I was being drawn into a time vortex, even though the video was just around an hour and thirty minutes long. Some of the deaths are entertaining and eerie, but I can’t even remember who gets killed off. What do I still remember? Confusingly long scene of intense foreplay with lots of eye contact as two nude actors spin around and around in a hot pool. Is this the final straw for those of the 1980s generation?

Cheerleader Camp (1988) 

I was looking forward to watching it, but unfortunately, they ruined a movie about a murder spree among cheerleaders at a summer camp. Despite some underlying chemistry between the mascot and the protagonist, the film ultimately fails. However, you should still watch it to finish the few films in this odd subgenre and to appreciate how inexpensive filmmaking was in the 1980s.

The Burning (1981)

That’s a baby version of Jason Alexander, and he’s got hair! Young Holly Hunter! This is the second movie here in which a man is seen fleeing while on fire. All my favorite elements of 80s slasher cheese are present when the camp’s maintenance man returns five years later, burned and vengeful after a practical joke went wrong. These include bad-good practical effects; awful sex scenes; great fashion; and a surprisingly satisfying ending.