A Snyder Cut Review & About Batman Slander

Prologue

Despite a glitch in the closing livestream Q&A the digital red carpet event was cool. The idea of a fan pit is neat but was a little cringe for my taste and I personally am burned out from Kevin Smith. Especially when he put his foot in his mouth for slandering his once friend/collaborator Batfleck upon the release of Batman v Superman via an episode of one of his podcasts. So you can imagine my glee to get a live streamed event of Kevin fitting his entire leg in his mouth. There exists funny Batman slander but we’ll get to that later.

Chapter 1: a “double feature”

As the stream was starting to wrap up, I noticed Zack Snyder replied to Ryan Reyonalds’ tweet of anticipation for the film. The reply concerned a “double feature” which led me down the path of watching the ultimate edition of Batman v Superman as an appetizer to fill the 3 hours separation from the Justice League release. If you are a fan of artists being unapologetically artistic, I happily inform you that double feature is the move. 

Chapter 2: I am here for it

The added little bits act as a pretty perfect segway into the main event film which went live on HBO Max with zero issues basically the minute I got back into my lazyboy post intermission. As soon as I clicked play on Justice League I got unreasonably excited. When I noticed the aspect ratio I checked Twitter one more time to see if it was a glitch before diving in and lost my shit when I saw it was Zack’s idea. He hilariously owns it by literally cutting the picture and I am here for it. Side note, I didn’t think Junkie XL would turn me against Danny Elfman, but XL’s badass score clearly wasn’t the only thing to surprise me about the Snyder Cut.

Chapter 3: contain my screaming

You may be asking yourself “why does he keep adding chapters to each paragraph?”. That’s because Zack added chapter cards to kick off each arc in the film. I found it to be a challenge to contain my screaming seeing each one come up as I am sandwiched between two airbnb roommates late at night. The on brand slow motion intro of where BvS left off was just as brilliant as the brief and apocalyptic glimpse into a (maybe?) sequel.

Chapter 4: underdog of my anticipation

Even though Darkseid is briefly present and omega beams even briefer, I was genuinely surprised by how well Steppenwolf was lifting the baddie weight. Had I known his redesign would fuck so hard, all the blood he’d shed, and all the horses he’d yeet I wouldn’t have slated him as the underdog of my anticipation. It’s cool to see Deadstroke and a refined Lex Luthor have their exchange, but the knowledge of what Batfleck’s solo film would’ve been made it bittersweet to me.

Oh and the anti-life equation is more powerful and easier to control than the infinity gauntlet. Google it

Chapter 5: Ray Fisher was the MVP

I knew he’d have more development per the runtime doubling, but I wasn’t prepared for how badass Cyborg would look, act, and develop. As anticipated Ray Fisher was the MVP. This is the first time I’d see Gal Gadot’s wonder woman and love every minute. Could you IMAGINE that?

Batman got a lot out of his system in BvS and it shows here in a cool way that reflects when working with the league. Every member of the Justice League is easily likeable to someone who is venomously tired of superhero films. Even the overtly quirky quip spitting Flash felt like a parody of abusive Marvel director Joss Whedon’s best (still not well) written characters.

Chapter 6: I wasn’t a fan of

For as amazing as it was to see Martian Manhunter, he kinda didn’t do shit aside comforting Lois. I wasn’t a fan of how no effort was made to track down Superman fresh off of him fucking the league up, but I can accept why that didn’t happen. Even if a talking head shot was the best they could do for Martian perhaps him talking down Superman after the fight would be cool.

Toxic fandom is never cool, but Zack repeatedly denouncing shitty fans is. So basically, there’s genuinely no good reason to hate this movie. Unless you have never stayed up late or binged tv in your life. In which case I would suggest pushing your bedtime back by a couple hours.

Chapter 7: “So what in the F did you think idiot?” 

It’s a solid 4 for my first watch. I saw online there are moments in the film that are good to take breaks in between (pause after chapters 2, and or 4) so that might change things for me as I watch this titan of a film on a cheap hp laptop. Trust me when I say this is not a diss in the way that listening to Fear Inoculum on a phone isn’t a diss.

Just a pulp-ridden bible of a film that rocked a stay-at-home world to it’s core. I will be shocked if the true power of fan influence can again bring something of this scale back from the dead…

Nia DaCosta’s Candyman stream when?

Epilogue: Batman Slander

“Batman when he catches you pretending to be sick to skip school” *insert batman blowing up a parademon* “YOUR FAVORITE HERO GOT SUPLEXED BY A CHOLO. IS THIS YOUR KING?!?” *insert guy dressed as Batman REALLY losing a street fight* and-

YOUR FAVORITE HERO GOT SUPLEXED BY A CHOLO.

IS THIS YOUR KING?!? pic.twitter.com/04RG6plwg6

— sᴄᴏᴏʙ sᴀɪʙᴏᴛ (@BarkyBoogz) March 19, 2021

If you search ‘Batman Slander’ on Twitter, the internet becomes a good and funny place for everyone who isn’t Batman. The jokes/memes generated from Batman slander have a surprisingly wide range that beg to have us reevaluate one of the world’s favorite caped crusaders. The most common one is about how Poison Ivy (love her) and Mr. Freeze were just trying to protect the environment and their opponent was a trust fund billionaire. Some even have a layer of political satire in them like the one of Lisa Simpson with text reading, “The reason Batman doesn’t cover his whole face is to show the police he’s white”. Even if you’re not the biggest twitter user, it is still absolutely worth checking out.